Last evening I met up with a friend over drinks. We had not met for quite a while now, and after about an hour of catching up the conversation changed. It went something like this ...
Friend: I envy you. You are happy. You left your job, and now get to work on your own terms, at your own pace. I wish I could do that.
Me: No you don’t.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because if you really wished to do that, then you would already have.
Friend: Are you saying I don’t want to or I won’t.
Me: Well it’s simple actually. You worked towards what you wanted and mostly got it too, so all I am saying is that if you REALLY wanted this you would have. Although I don't know what 'this' is.
Friend: Huh!! I want to be carefree and happy like you.
Me: OK! So are you saying you are unhappy? Let me ask you something then. You mentioned you are envious about me being happy with my way of life. And I am wondering whether you are envious of me being happy? or are you envious of my way of life? Or are you just unhappy looking at me and my way of life?
Friend: Aren’t they the same? You are happy because of your way of life ultimately.
Me: And what about you? Are you not happy?
Friend: I don’t know. But I want to be happy like you, I guess.
Me: Ah ha. Happy like me? That's tough. Then you will have to become me and you are great just the way you are. And then you know, I was happy even earlier. So is it because of my way of life?
Friend: I don't know. You tell me.
Me: OK!!! Let me understand this. Tell me, when you chose to take the offer from the multinational on a higher pay and I chose to work with the start-up, did you envy me then.
Friend: Well to be frank not then, but yes, later I did envy that you grew much faster than me and all that media coverage you earned as you grew the business leaps and bounds.
Me: Oh! Then what about the 3 houses you own and the Imported SUV you drive, while I still travel by public transport or taxi? Do you envy me then?
Friend: Well no. But you don’t have to worry about the driver being absent, or about the high maintenance cost of these fuel guzzlers, or the upkeep and maintenance headache of multiple houses.
Me: Ok then, how about the frequent foreign trips you make on company work and the 5 star hotels you stay in and the chauffeur driven cars you travel in. You seem to love all that and talk about it all the time. Do you envy me then?
Friend: No but then again, you do take more holidays than me and travel all over the world. I do envy the time you spend holidaying with family and the exotic places you really get to see.
Anyways what are you trying to get at?
Me: Just that although you made a conscious choice of stability and higher pay as regards work. Although you live a comfortable life and have all the luxuries & lead the life you always yearned for, you still want something else? I am just trying to figure out what exactly makes you unsure and / or unhappy.
Notice all the buts in all your answers? You seem to be looking for something to be envious and unhappy about.
Friend: It’s not that I haven’t got what I wanted man, but somehow you always seem at peace, happier, and having a lot of fun in life overall. That is what I envy actually.
Me: Ah!! Are you saying you envy that I always seem happier in some way?
Friend: Yes
Me: Well my friend. Think a little. You took your decisions in life and I took mine. You are constantly looking back, looking around and seeing what you missed, what you don’t have instead of being happy now, whereas I never looked back or wondered ‘what if?’ I am just Happy doing it or being with it.
You are enjoying your chosen way of life, but envying something else and hence making yourself unhappy, whereas I am having fun with my choices and happy irrespective of those.
That is the only difference. You are killing your happiness by envying mine!!! Constantly looking for what you don't have instead of just being being happy. I on the other hand am just happy.
Happiness is not in what we have or don’t. It’s in enjoying what & where we are, it’s in living our choices.
Friend: You mean to say I chose to be unhappy and you chose to be happy?
Me: Right now it’s the envy that is making you unhappy where as I don't even need a reason to be happy. I just am. Get it?
Happiness is not external; it is within us. Being happy is one of the many choices we have. Envy for sure. But for Happiness - look inwards. Get it???
Friend: Err!
Friend: I envy you. You are happy. You left your job, and now get to work on your own terms, at your own pace. I wish I could do that.
Me: No you don’t.
Friend: Why?
Me: Because if you really wished to do that, then you would already have.
Friend: Are you saying I don’t want to or I won’t.
Me: Well it’s simple actually. You worked towards what you wanted and mostly got it too, so all I am saying is that if you REALLY wanted this you would have. Although I don't know what 'this' is.
Friend: Huh!! I want to be carefree and happy like you.
Me: OK! So are you saying you are unhappy? Let me ask you something then. You mentioned you are envious about me being happy with my way of life. And I am wondering whether you are envious of me being happy? or are you envious of my way of life? Or are you just unhappy looking at me and my way of life?
Friend: Aren’t they the same? You are happy because of your way of life ultimately.
Me: And what about you? Are you not happy?
Friend: I don’t know. But I want to be happy like you, I guess.
Me: Ah ha. Happy like me? That's tough. Then you will have to become me and you are great just the way you are. And then you know, I was happy even earlier. So is it because of my way of life?
Friend: I don't know. You tell me.
Me: OK!!! Let me understand this. Tell me, when you chose to take the offer from the multinational on a higher pay and I chose to work with the start-up, did you envy me then.
Friend: Well to be frank not then, but yes, later I did envy that you grew much faster than me and all that media coverage you earned as you grew the business leaps and bounds.
Me: Oh! Then what about the 3 houses you own and the Imported SUV you drive, while I still travel by public transport or taxi? Do you envy me then?
Friend: Well no. But you don’t have to worry about the driver being absent, or about the high maintenance cost of these fuel guzzlers, or the upkeep and maintenance headache of multiple houses.
Me: Ok then, how about the frequent foreign trips you make on company work and the 5 star hotels you stay in and the chauffeur driven cars you travel in. You seem to love all that and talk about it all the time. Do you envy me then?
Friend: No but then again, you do take more holidays than me and travel all over the world. I do envy the time you spend holidaying with family and the exotic places you really get to see.
Anyways what are you trying to get at?
Me: Just that although you made a conscious choice of stability and higher pay as regards work. Although you live a comfortable life and have all the luxuries & lead the life you always yearned for, you still want something else? I am just trying to figure out what exactly makes you unsure and / or unhappy.
Notice all the buts in all your answers? You seem to be looking for something to be envious and unhappy about.
Friend: It’s not that I haven’t got what I wanted man, but somehow you always seem at peace, happier, and having a lot of fun in life overall. That is what I envy actually.
Me: Ah!! Are you saying you envy that I always seem happier in some way?
Friend: Yes
Me: Well my friend. Think a little. You took your decisions in life and I took mine. You are constantly looking back, looking around and seeing what you missed, what you don’t have instead of being happy now, whereas I never looked back or wondered ‘what if?’ I am just Happy doing it or being with it.
You are enjoying your chosen way of life, but envying something else and hence making yourself unhappy, whereas I am having fun with my choices and happy irrespective of those.
That is the only difference. You are killing your happiness by envying mine!!! Constantly looking for what you don't have instead of just being being happy. I on the other hand am just happy.
Happiness is not in what we have or don’t. It’s in enjoying what & where we are, it’s in living our choices.
Friend: You mean to say I chose to be unhappy and you chose to be happy?
Me: Right now it’s the envy that is making you unhappy where as I don't even need a reason to be happy. I just am. Get it?
Happiness is not external; it is within us. Being happy is one of the many choices we have. Envy for sure. But for Happiness - look inwards. Get it???
Friend: Err!
No comments:
Post a Comment